Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
