the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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