I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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