I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
