i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
