Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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