HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
