is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
