Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
