I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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