just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize