you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
