Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
