I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
