I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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