Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
