i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
