Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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