Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
