the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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