Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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