R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
