I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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