just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food