none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.