So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.