so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
its liver damage thursday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
