I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
