he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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