you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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