He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
