do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
