I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The adults are the big ones right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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