o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
