the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
