Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
