he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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