I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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