it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
