Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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