Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
