I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
