I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
17 year olds will be the death of me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
