sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
