i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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