It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
