I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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