Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
