I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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