did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
