I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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