Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
