I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
