The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
