Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
