I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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