I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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