I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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