Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
