its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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