new low.... made out with someone while peeing
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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