kristin has been a bad kristin
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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