I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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