So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Vodka?
Forever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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