My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
