I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
