he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize