Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
