Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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