No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
